Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
