I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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