They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
