Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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