ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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