That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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