he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
