Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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