i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
