I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
