Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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