I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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