she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
