Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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