They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
