Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
