sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
