Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
