Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
