Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ugly people sure do ruin things
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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