oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
