you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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