I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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