I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
