I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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