well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
