I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
