we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
