Hey man sorry I got all grabby
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
3pm strippers are depressing
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
