Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
