do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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