All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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