i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
