She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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