you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
