i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
