Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
