I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
