John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
only you would photoshop your dick
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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