I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
