ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
