:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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