JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
