one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
