YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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