I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
