youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
How's work?
Spinning.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
