he puts the penis in happiness.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
