I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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