Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
