He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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