I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
