Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
